Nothing interesting has happened on the internet for about 5 hours!
In unrelated news, I feel that it is unfair for a port labeled "s-video" to not actually be an s-video port. I now need a second adapter, for the other end of my s-video cable.
EDIT: It turns out the port is in fact an s-video port, but a 7-pin rather than a 4-pin one. As the UK only seems to acknowledge 4-pin as s-video, my problem becomes compounded...
2ND EDIT: In a moment of genius, I checked the box for my video card. The port is 9-pin (making it the weirdest s-video port EVAR) to accomodate HD. There is an adaptor in the box. Now I can play with making it work!